Where to begin? The last two weeks have been some of the most intense times of my life and outreach hasn’t even started yet. (We leave Dec. 15th, more on that later.) Let’s start with last week. This is quiet personal stuff here, so bare with me if I don’t share everything.
Our speaker last week was Etienne Pieterson and the topic was the Father Heart of God. Ever since I looked at the schedule, I knew this week would be crucial for me. I had a single-mom situation as a child and praise God, my step-father came into the picture later on in life. Hopefully some of the things I learned might help you as well.
(NOTE: A good understanding of unselfish, unconditional love without tolerance, fear, jealousy, etc. is important here. Also keep in mind that our relationships with our parents and authority figures shapes our view of who God is.)
Example: Our concept of authority has been skewed. The government, churches, parents and authority figures seem to impose and almost force things upon us. What is the result of this? We rebel. God gave us authority on earth (looking at Genesis) and He wants to share it mutually with us. He wants to love what we have passions for and co-create with us. Questions to ask yourself:
- Where has authority gone wrong in your life & how has it affected your relationship?
- Are your authorities doing good for you and is their discipline effective?
- God: “Will you come and share My authority?”
What have I learned? I have become pretty self efficient, which is easy for a Westerner, and have not often needed to trust in God. I tend to run to God when something goes wrong, but not when things go right. Health problems, money issues, etc. Self reliance destroys hope and trust in God.
We often have placed no value in ourselves and always push ourselves in comparison to others toward performance. It helps us feel better, or so we think it will. Why does self glorification feel so temporary? One Super Bowl ring is never enough. We are valuable to God, He does not compare us to another. Matthew 10:29-31 tells us that God knows the number of hairs on our head.
One big one for me is affection. Read Hosea, Song of Songs, etc. God continually pursues us, we don’t owe Him anything. “You have to earn my trust” is a incorrect thought or statement. God openly gives us His trust, we should do so as well.
There was some serious ministry time to uproot hurts and bring healing to wounds. The group was in a circle and it was time for release, support and encouragement. I spilled my heart and the story of my childhood. It was hard, but I just told it like it is... or was. It ended up being really great. I came to realize even though I had sung “Yes, Jesus Loves Me” in Sunday school as a child and had read through Song of Songs in relation to how God loves me/the church as recently as the week before, I still hadn’t realized how much he really LOVE me.
Etienne pictured God holding his arms open (much like the father of the prodigal son) and yet I was afraid and ran away. He then described how God wants to embrace me and walk along side me through good and bad. That I’m a son at the feast table, not a slave. It felt like I had had surgery by the end. Everyone came and hugged me and gave me encouraging words. They dispelled the idea that I would be a bad father. It’s all just a bunch of lies we have buried so deep, we need to uproot them.
This last week has been really overwhelming for me, so if you pray for me pray for clarity and confidence. I know where I’m coming from with a lot of the issues I’m working through, I simply am a bit overwhelmed and easily doubting my own sureness. Satan is using fatigue and the “fullness” feeling that I cannot put anything else into my mind and my heart against me.
We’ve had some great news for outreach. We are going to be in Phuket, Thailand. A sex tourism hot spot, a beach and bar town. We are going to be working with an organization called SHE (Self Help Empowerment). (Google it if I don’t put the site on here.) The facilities seem to be beautiful. God is opening doors for possibility. Keep the documentary style piece I wish to do in prayer that God will open doors toward His Will for it.
I hope all is well back home. It’s easy to get lost in the insanity here at YWAM. (The busy schedule, the planning and preparation, dealing with the healing and uprooting and maintaining friendships here and back home.) So please continue to send me emails and updates on how you are doing! I have saved every email to my computer and if I haven’t responded yet, I will!
Last prayer request that comes to mind is finances. I know God’s promises to faithfully provide for me. I don’t doubt that, but there can never be too much prayer for this issue. Thank you SO VERY much to all of you who have supported me. I pray He will bless you all tenfold!
Love,
Sam Tindall
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